I stumbled on a couple of poems that I originally wrote years ago. One is entitled, ‘Maybe’, the other, ‘Audacious Wisdom’.
In these writings, I am questioning myself, and my purpose through God’s eyes. I wasn’t looking for the poems. I stumbled on them. I literally have close to a thousand or more bodies of work. But recently finding them was right on time for what’s going on in our world and with me, right now.
Recently, I have been again encouraged to author a book, memoir, or screenplay on my story. I really want to, and know that I can, but I haven’t completed several in-progress projects. Though I’ve started many and have created bits and pieces over the years, I’ve never compiled or finalized anything.
I’ve written a great deal, enough for more than just one book, maybe about six! But still, I have not assembled what has been written, never completing the projects. I have started several videos, much the same way. I want to complete them, but often I feel uncertain about doing so. Years ago, I vowed to never venture into anything new without really feeling it in my spirit. I feel these projects in my spirit, but not strong enough yet.
About writing, and about life in general, I have been asking myself, ’Maybe?’ quite often.
“Maybe God wants me to keep my story to myself.
Maybe, I am supposed to be modest about what I’ve learned.
Maybe, my lessons are only for me.”
Lately, I’ve even felt a bit arrogant about revealing my writings because they are so personal and heartfelt. I’ve been feeling that very few are worthy of me opening my heart so widely, let alone, publishing on a massive scale. …It’s ike, I’m too ‘special’ to show my vulnerabilities to strangers, through my writings.
I am still unsure how I will proceed, though I keep writing and creating, pretty much daily.
I go back and forth, questioning myself and God’s plan regularly. In my writing, I am as honest and forthcoming as I can be. But I wonder if God wants for me to reveal such spiritual intimacy in a memoir or screenplay adout my story.
Also, I wonder, if my story is important or if it would be helpful to others. This includes a caregiving and siblings tips book that I started years ago. Perhaps my experiences are so unique that others just wouldn’t understand them or benefit from me sharing them? I have been told that my story is hard to believe several times already.
When I started Seasons as My Teacher a few years ago, I foresaw where today’s tensions were headed. I mean, like how polarized we have become. A lot has subtly changed in just a few years. But when you reflect, even in 2019, it seems that drastic changes have occurred under our noses.
I have a post that I never published warning of Truth Decay, and now Truth Decay is an everyday thing. I wrote it and started the video over a year ago.
We are to the point around the world, where governments have a realistic potential of failing, just as US democracy seems to be headed in the opposite direction currently.
Everyone is argumentative about every subject, the vaccine, mask wearing, religion, politics, lifestyles, social programs, the environment, and everything under the sun.
Many friendships have ended in the past two years. Families have become divided. Religious congregations are dwindling, and everyone distrusts politicians and ministers. Many people are wounded, walking around with unaddressed mental health issues.
People, like me, have become loners, just staying to themselves.
But in spite of, in the midst of this spiritual storm, I have maintained an elevated existence through practicing repetitive rituals in nature, prayer, and meditation. …And, through a lot of isolation.
I am not on the plane where most people seem to be. I am not living in stress, worry, or fear. I am grateful every day, and ‘Every day, clean slate’.
I am not experiencing the Nocebo Effect relative to CV19. That’s for sure!
So, why would I want to open my spirit up to such a sensitive, often ignorant, and polarized audience? Why would I want to invite negativity into my simple and peaceful life? These are the questions I often ask myself. Given the circumstances, I can only say, ‘maybe.
I know that my beliefs are controversial for most. Come on now, I’m not a blind man! I realize that I am multidimensional in my beliefs, while most are not. I do not believe everything I see or read and independently research everything.
Added to that, I have lived an illustrious life, at the top, and at the bottom of society, having nearly died several times. Through these experiences and world travel, I’ve been spiritually transformed. I don’t rely much at all on religion to keep my vibration high and my spirit elevated. In many ways, I despise organized religion, but still, believe that in it there are some, but few, true believers. My mother was one in the Catholic religion.
Most distinctively, I am comfortable with not knowing. Not knowing does not cause me to worry or become fearful. I know how to trust God’s will whatever it may be. These things are what put me on another plane, weird even. I find solace in being considered weird.
With all of this going on inside of me, this is why I haven’t shared much as I did when I originally started the blog. It is also why I don’t try to increase subscribers or views on social media platforms.
“I simply post content when I want to, unattached to how it is received, and if I publish according to a schedule.”
‘Going viral’, requires that I open up to an often cruel and low-vibe public, feeding their insatiable appetite regularly. Why would I want to bring such stress into my life? Some have committed suicide trying to keep up with social media’s AI judgment system.
Maybe God doesn’t want me to go through that.
I am still unsure and continuing to ponder and create. Kevy
I’ve been seeing
Things all wrong?
What I believe is a gift
Is meant only for me?
Is meant for sharing
Is a delusion
That only I can see?
But I know
My spirit is
Have I been
In the spirit of Love
Each day this feeling
Me into the Child of God
That’s what I once was
Inside of my mother’s wound
It excites me
What’s making me
Feel this way
Overcomes any resistance
I reflected on each step
To get to this place
I wrote down
For those wanting
Some seem not to
As I do
They don’t believe
That they cannot see
They don’t realize
That we can read the wind
The truth’s written there
They fear that
It all makes me wonder
Does it make sense?
…My fragile vibration
To such scrutiny?
God doesn’t want me
To go through such
Maybe I’m supposed
To keep our secrets
We all experience
Is not mine
It’s meant to be
That I keep
And just me
I’m gonna tone down my rhetoric
…Not flaunt my wisdom so much
Most people just don’t understand
And no one really cares
I’m gonna ‘lay in the cut’
Not reveal my battles
For this is my story
It is not theirs
I’m gonna stop being anxious
To answer questions
That no one ever asked
Stop my ego from playing savior
Dead in its tracks
I’m gonna end impromptu classes
It takes audacity to think
Of all people
Has something to teach
Most don’t even know me
Others say I’m unworthy
I’ve been thinking…
Give me discernment
…Teach me these lessons
Just for me
To keep them secret
From time to time
I get a feeling that
He wants me
To be graceful with it
…Not so extravagant
So, I’m gonna start
Letting ‘them people’
I’m never gonna serve them
That they clearly
I will still spread the good news,
But only when I know
I’ll be effective
Before I extend
My energy to anyone else
I’ll already know
That they will be receptive
No longer will I try
To convince others
Of the power
Of God’s spirit
From now on
I will sit humbly
Simply embody it
Why so Many People Want to Be Writers – May 31, 2018 – The School of Life
It is, in a sense, a delightful development that so many people nowadays want to be writers. But there is also a darker backdrop to this desire: a huge rise in loneliness. For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://goo.gl/79cLjP
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Eckhart Tolle talks about Sharing Spiritual Realizations with Others – Jan 21, 2015 – New World Library
Audacious Faith – Grace Gospel Fellowship – Pastor Joe Campos
“Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, which some have professed and in so doing have departed from the faith”. (1 Timothy 6:20-21)
In his words to the young Timothy, Paul charged his spiritual son with big and powerful words. We don’t hear Paul saying, “hang in there, son, do your best, well, at least you tried.” No! More than once he uses a word that sometimes is misinterpreted, but it is loaded with challenge, “GUARD the treasure which has been entrusted to you” (2 Timothy 1:14, 6:20).
One might think that Paul was advising his pupil to carefully store his faith in the closet and wait for Jesus to come back. But no, Paul was telling Timothy to take his faith to the next level. In other words, “Get out there, Tim, get the Word out, preach it, challenge people to live godly lives. Don’t pay attention to the critics when they say, ‘get real.’ Instead, say to them, this is ‘getting real!’ Believe in the size of your God, Tim, don’t shrink when you face obstacles, but ask God to help you take a leap of faith!” Read More
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