…With an Army
I must be very methodical when continuing the story of Judas and my betrayers, initiated in the prior post, But Judas, You Said You Loved Me.
Of course, using Judas is just a characterization of the antagonists in my ordeal I encountered when serving as the sole caregiver for my mother.
It’s the most appropriate metaphor that I could come up with, for at times I felt the way I imagine Jesus must have felt when he was betrayed and persecuted.
When things were at their worst, I thought surely I would die as a martyr amidst this battle.
Beginning in the mid-2000’s, my family members and friends, those closest to me, when I was recuperating, from recent serious illness, showed no mercy on me.
Through the storm of their evil, I nonetheless showed unconditional mercy, caring for my mother, as she asked me to, and shielding her from the ballistics of this spiritual war, as best I could.
1 John 3:17 – But whoso hath this world’s good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels [of compassion] from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?
Little did I know, that in this 4 -5 year period, I would find myself, find God, learn to care for my body, mind, and spirit, and even get in touch with my soul. This experience was the most devastating of my life. But in the end, it was the crown jewel of my trials and ultimate spiritual awakening.
I have been told that I am ‘living in the past’ when I recant this story and that I should just let this go. It seems reasonable, given that it began 10 years ago. I say to those people that I get to decide when this chapter is closed. I am the victim of the story. My mother was too, but I took many of her bullets. So, fuck off.
This negativity is in my past, but I will never forget it, for it still impacts me today. But I have managed to use this situation to ‘begin again’, express myself more creatively, further serve God’s will, admit to my failures and triumphs, and still strive to help others.
This is the direction that my future propels, fueled by a horrific memory of my recent past.
Getting this off of my chest is therapeutic for me. I have been silenced by false stories, lies, and gossip propagated about me by the villains in this drama. They claimed that I was unstable, that I am ruthless, and that I just was in it for the money. These are salacious lies that I can, or common sense can easily disprove.
But, believe it or not, in the Deep South of Louisiana these lies elevated all the way up to Governor, Bobby Jindal’s administration, as other agencies fabricated a mental profile of me, that effectively worked, until I forced them to shred illegal and doctored documents, that had my siblings’ emotional DNA all over them.
Matthew 5:11 – Blessed are ye, when [men] shall revile you, and persecute [you], and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Well, I am stable enough to tell this story eloquently now, and can support it. I am caring enough to volunteer, and assist other caregivers, as well as, write this blog, with no financial gain.
As for money, I loss everything I had, home, cars, investments, creditworthiness, a 6-figure income, and reputation. Trust me, I loss more than my domestic worker mother, ever secured or left behind.
I did what I did, simply out of love. Only God and Love could propel a person through what I had to look straight in the eye, and bear.
Even today, I suffer from a chronical health issue that can be directly attributed to the stress that I was put through. Those who try to demonize me, sit on the sideline, even today, having never sacrificed for anyone, as I have for my dear mother Eunice.
Therefore, I must be methodical when continuing this story to ensure that I meet my main objective of extracting the wisdom from the unconscionable treatment that my mother and I endured, and sharing it with whoever is receptive, and empathic to it.
But, for my followers, I must put everything into vivid context. I must cover the difficult parts, the parts that still pain me today. It will hurt me to write this part of the Kevy Michaels’ story, but I feel the greater good that it may provide, makes it worth the pain of this reflection. I will be helping others, helping me, and potentially my betrayers, if they reflect on their deeds, but morally.
At first, I was concerned about sparing the feelings of our tormentors, but that no longer concerns me. Right after my mother’s transition, I attempted to make amends with the abusers, both former friends, and ‘former’ siblings. I apologized without a concrete reason to do so. I figured doing so would ease the tension. …Not!
Some of them said definitively that they did nothing wrong. Some had the audacity to suggest that it was God’s messages to them that motivated their devilish actions. This is one of the main reasons that I have such contempt for ‘the fake-faithful’ today.
Most of the characters in this story were very so-called-religious, including a sibling serving as ‘high priest’ (of sorts) for a cult religious school that viciously challenges all other religions, members of Jehovah’s Witness, Pentecostal Baptist, Catholic churches, and one sister with no religion at all. These folks were active in bible study, ministries, and other ‘service work’. They bragged on their bible studies, retreats, and ministries.
They could spit out scripture, like spit. Nonetheless, they couldn’t honor the 5th commandment, and most other commandments either. I’ve can more readily spot the fake-faithful as a result of my experience. One tell is that they sway away from the 10 Commandments. They find scriptures and stories in various other parts of the bible to support their agenda. The parts of the bible they tend to choose are parts which are usually left up to interpretation.
But the 10 commandments are pretty absolute. Furthermore, they reflect God’s word on matters involving another person being attacked or violated in some manner. The 10 commandments focus on honoring God, each other, not lying, stealing, or cheating. Though the fake-faithful can spit out scriptures of convenience out like snot, trust me, they will stay clear of God’s word. This is one way to identify those who are spiritually not true.
Ironically, my siblings and cohorts were the ones who judged me. I couldn’t imagine doing to a dog, with a clear conscious, what was done to me and my mother. To add salt to our emotional wounds, they convinced over 20 nieces, nephews, cousins, extended family members, and my mother’s grandchildren, to shun me, and therefore her, by ‘sticking to their fictitious story’.
I am convinced that they practiced in their family conference calls, from which my mother and I were excluded. Slowly it became apparent that they had old family resentments against me and my mother.
I attempted to resolve my persecution legally, taking it to the municipal, state, and federal levels, all unsuccessfully, except getting the falsified psychological profile shredded.
With regard to this fraud, the joke was on them. I had never been psychologically evaluated, ever! How could the State of Louisiana hold such a sensationalized psychological profile on me? This I had to fight. It was clear that I was the protagonist in spiritual warfare.
My siblings made a pact, along with corrupt bureaucrats and officials, that some knew personally, to undermine me, in my opinion, for power and greed.
At the climax of this horror, I felt like the devil had his army against me. I was getting forceful resistance from every angle. I was on a team by myself, against over 15 family members, friends, and senior agency representatives who applied maximum pressure towards my failure and demise, if need be.
But, what my team lacked in quantity, it more than made up, in quality. I had my mother as my steadfast advocate, and we both had God on our side.
This is why ultimately, we were victorious.
Please close your eyes, and try to imagine how you would feel, if punched with such aggression just when you were distracted, to wipe dust from your eye?
…Knowing that it was all built on an underpinning of lies and deceit, though you were doing what ‘was right’, and doing so with good intention.
Eventually, I gave up on fighting, opting only for the survival of my mother and me, and to get out of Louisiana. I needed to get the hell out the ignorant-ass South.
1 John 3:15 – Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.
I have not spoken or communicated with my siblings, and those friends immersed in this fraud, since 2014. I used to care about possibly hurting their feelings by telling my story, but only ‘possibly’. Now, I say, ‘I don’t care about their feelings’. They clearly have none.
Besides, they did what they did. I write today in certain terms, fearing nothing because Truth drives me; God guides me. As far as whether they did anything worthy of owing me a mere apology to me, I will lay out the events and let the reader decide.
Since my mother’s transition, and even today, I help other caregivers who too are embroiled in family ‘mess’ over caregiving, control, and most of all, money. Though my situation has very vivid and cruel realities, unfortunately, many of the same conflicts and tactics are identical with other caregivers and families. I realized this, as well, when I listened to caregivers in support group meetings.
You may read me writing that ‘the devil operates from the same bag of tricks’. I will explain this sentiment later. But, he does.
Ephesians 6:11 – Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
Unfortunately, the public doesn’t know much about the ugliness associated with caregiving. But it’s commonplace. It’s kept quiet though.
After and while serving their missions, caregivers are so distraught with emotional pain, physical illness, and grief, that the last thing they want to do is to open a can of Mississippi River worms. But at the same time, it imprisons them to not speak up.
Not speaking up contributes to the narrative of a lie.
I once felt these sentiments. Not now. Truth must prevail! …And, it will.
Someone will benefit from this story and its lessons. I know that I will. That’s what motivates me to create this blog, write books, and continue to support others.
My objective is to open this Pandora’s Box for evaluation and discussion. There are pearls of wisdom buried beneath the ashes. I want to bring them to light. I aim to expose foul human nature for what it really is, evil.
As well, I’ll praise admirable angels that God planted along the way, when even He said, ‘enough is enough’.
If my story resonates with only one soul, it’s a worthwhile endeavor. I have already surpassed this meager goal, based on comments I’ve received from some blog visitors on related caregiving posts.
James 1:26 – If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion [is] vain.
Though unfortunate, I must take my followers through excrement to accomplish this. I agree to take on the task, but it will not be easy. It will be thoroughly and well presented, when complete.
I will find exhilaration when I type the last period. I ask my followers to bear with me. I must take you on this journey, but promise to make it meaningful. Also, appreciate that doing so is painful.
I must get this off of my chest so that I can move on to other aspects of Life Is A Teacher. I am much more comfortable blogging about Nutrition, Health, Laughs, God, and writing poems. Ironically, these are other features of my blog, which were instrumental to how I survived it all.
So, please be gentle but plentiful with your comments. I will get through this.
To make the presentation easier to digest, I will break this story into parts. This is the introduction. I won’t continue this segment for at least another week.
I will also make some minor changes to be gentle on who may be hurt by this, by switching, or not switching genders, and even locations.
But outside of these changes, done with good intent, I will be honest with you, with God, and to the wonderful memory of my mother. – Kevy Michaels
1 Timothy 5:8 – But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
This video points out my regrets. I guess I have two main ones.
- The first one is that I regret that I allowed this rivalry to make me so angry, while it ensued.
- The second is that I regret wasting so much energy on fighting the actions taken against me. It did nothing for our situation and took its heaviest toll on me.
“A point to be made here is that sometime adversaries can trick you by distracting you so much, that you don’t realize that you are harming yourself by fighting them.” – Kevy Michaels
I regret that I allowed this to happen. In a sense, I caused myself to get sick from the stress. I really regret that because ultimately I did it all the caregiving myself. The family never came through, admitted to their sins, or apologized. I live with that every day.
What to Say When a Sibling Refuses to Help With Aging Parents – 2,110 views – aging parents – Published on Mar 1, 2014
Release yourself from the burden of unrealistic expectations that a difficult sibling or other relatives will pitch in and help with the caregiving of your aging loved one. Prevent burnout and stress by reaching out to your community, friends, family, and other resources.
I tried the suggestions in these videos and then some, hiring a geriatric consultant, social worker, and family mediator. It all wrongly worked against me.
My family stood on a thin sheet of falsehoods but nonetheless stuck to the same story of judgment and lies.
They succeeded because of my age, relative to their older age, and their religious prowess. It was six of them versus just me, and my mother, whose opinion they successfully voided as dementia-speak.
But my mother knew exactly what she was saying.
I asked them to help, even laying out a plan. They ignored me and ultimately walked out on me, on a supposedly 3-day visit to see my mother.
I solely cared for her for over 4 years, since that day, in addition to fighting battles nearly every day that seemed to slowly chip away at my life.
When You Are the Primary Sibling Caregiver for an Aging Parent – 441 views – Kim Shea – Published on Oct 27, 2015
When you are the predominant caregiver amongst your siblings for a parent, there are challenges that you face that your brothers and sisters do not. One of those challenges is learning how to ask for and get help. Another challenge is learning how to accept help in whatever form it is given.
Sibling Rivalry: How to Help the Primary Caregiver – 194 views – Kim Shea – Published on Nov 3, 2015
Sibling rivalry can become a problem when one adult child is the primary caregiver for an aging parent. When other siblings are unable to provide the hands-on care that the primary caregiver does, here are some ways to still be helpful and supportive.
Solve the Problem of Sibling Conflict About Elderly Parents – 629 views – aging parents – Published on Sep 1, 2013
Psychologist Dr. Mikol Davis and Nurse Attorney Carolyn Rosenblatt of AgingParents.com discuss the important resource of a family meeting to help solve family disputes.
I guess I do have another regret. I regret not taking better care of myself during this war. Even soldiers are treated off the battlefield. In spite of me, and my family witnessing the physical toll that this situation took on me, I kept pushing with all my might. They did too. But, I was hurting myself. I regret that deeply.
Taking Care of YOU: Self-Care for Family Caregivers – First, Care for Yourself
On an airplane, an oxygen mask descends in front of you. What do you do? As we all know, the first rule is to put on your own oxygen mask before you assist anyone else. Only when we first help ourselves can we effectively help others. Caring for yourself is one of the most important—and one of the most often forgotten—things you can do as a caregiver. When your needs are taken care of, the person you care for will benefit, too.
Question: Have you ever served as a caregiver and seemed to meet grief from all ends? Describe how you survived.
Note: You may use Google Translate to copy and paste, then translate any posts on this website, to over 60 different languages.
Being cognizant of international visitors, I want to do all that I can to communicate wisdom globally for all.