Tell The Truth But Try Not To Hurt Anyone
32 “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” – John 8:32 (KJV)
Continuing the Terror on the Caregiver posts requires as much, if not more research than the other posts. Reviewing old files, pictures, videos, and other documents is exhausting and it’s painful. It’s not quite like I reliving the pain, but it still hurts.
But I see the story cleaner when I look it over laid out as files. I looked at my IRS earning statements from 1975 to 2010 today. I earned $ 261 in all of 1975, when I was 15 years old. That’s what was reported, though, because I used to work at a neighborhood grocery store, and had a newspaper route with my brother, Earl. I was a hard worker at an early age.
For nearly the next 10 years, I earned less than $ 18,000, in total! I was in college then and lived off of financial aid. The earnings statement chronicled my life.
Reviewing them made it clear why I was in such a whirlwind in the 1990’s to mid-2000. I made over $ 2 million during that period. I didn’t even realize it, until I did research. Seeing the income juxtaposed with the earnings year correlated appropriately to events that occurred then.
For instance, my mother and I did most of our international travel in the late 1990’s to the early 2000’s. In 1996 I made my first six figure income, and made nearly $ 1 million over the next 5 years. I was obviously sharing the wealth and opulence with my mother, and with my family, as well as, with my friends.
To date I’ve accumulated over 1000 files that I renamed by date and subject, that organizes every event, email, flight, hospital visit, job, tax return, photo, video, official document, legal document, and to-do list, when sorted in Windows File Explorer. It took me months to read, rename, and organize these files by date. I am adding new files still today.
Reviewing my life in this way, especially the time that I cared for my mother, remains quite emotional. When I last went down this road, last week, it brought me to tears. After the tears dried, I felt better.
So, I know the process of writing to close this chapter of my life is working.
But, it also means that I have many more painful roads to travel down, and many more tears to cry, provided that I remain truthful.
Outside of the emotional reflection, and the laborious logistics of organizing my research findings, I am stilled troubled by telling the raw truth, versus watering down the story to spare feelings.
It is not my intent to hurt anyone, by telling my story, but it is possible that I will. But, if I water the story down, then it becomes fiction. This story is true.
Today I’ve decided to simply tell the truth, as events occurred from my perspective. It is my story. I know that my intentions are good. I am writing this story to share the wisdom and inspiration that I’ve gained, and to free myself from the emotional pain of years of caregiving and fighting my family. It is my hope that not only will I be healed from expressing myself, others, perhaps including those who were my tormentors, too will be healed.
When I review the files, I can almost feel once again how crushed and broken I was during those years. I am enduring the revival of pain to extract understanding, wisdom, and healing from it. That is my goal.
Evaluating simply being honest against the Law of Karma I accept that for my actions, there will be a reaction. I promise that my intent is good. It is to heal, inspire, and to a lesser degree, to chronicle a very provocative segment of my life.
Overall, putting my story out will ‘do good’ for others.
Based on the feedback from followers, the Terror on the Caregiver posts are the most popular. Others have shared similar stories. In that I am pointing out the wisdom and morals of each segment, I am hopeful that others will be receptive to it. Wrapping the delivery of the story with my spiritual transformation anoints it.
My deepest hope in telling this story, is that those who caused me and my mother such pain, especially my siblings, will read it, and reconcile within from it.
Even if some become hurt by this truth, I hope that they heal stronger, just as I am healing my pain through this writing.
How to Tell the Truth when It Hurts – Three Methods – Starting the Conversation – Having the Actual Conversation – Dealing with the Aftermath – WikiHow
Sometimes it can be difficult to tell the truth. Telling a hard truth can mean many different things, from that awkward moment when you let a friend know their zipper’s undone, to telling a romantic partner that you’re having issues with the relationship. Be it significant other, friend, coworker, or family member, telling someone the truth is generally the right decision. It leads to open and honest communication about how to move forward in a constructive way. Though it may seem scary, using kind language, exhibiting empathy, and being open minded will help you get through a hard conversation with grace.
Method 1 – Starting the Conversation
- Ask permission.
- Choose an appropriate setting.
- Open with something positive.
- Prepare the other person.
- Don’t beat around the bush.
Method 2 – Having the Actual Conversation
- Use a good tone and appropriate language.
- Think before you speak.
- Be honest, but be kind.
- Expect the unexpected.
- Leave room for silence.
- Accept potential criticism.
Method 3 – Dealing With The Aftermath
- Leave the door open for more conversations.
- Figure out a next step.
- Seek professional help.
Speaking a Truth that Hurts – Mustering the Courage to Give Direct Feedback – Posted Nov 24, 2012 – Marcia Reynolds Psy.D.
The next time you are anxious about sharing an observation that could hurt, first ask yourself if what you are about to share will help the person in the future or not. Consider that you might have been judging the person out of your own need to be noticed or right. Then, if you believe your intent is truly to help the person, contemplate these suggestions:
- Trust your inner voice.
- Question your fear.
- Be strategic.
- Ask permission.
- Clearly describe the impact of their specific oversight or behavior.
- If appropriate, share your intent.
- Don’t question your value.
Speaking Your Truth Can Hurt, but Don’t Let That Stop You – November 2, 2016 – By Jade Wood, MA, LMFT, MHSA, GoodTherapy.org Topic Expert Contributor
Often in my practice, I hear people in conflict about wanting to tell someone something that is true for them, but worrying about hurting the other person’s feelings. This arises regarding needs in romantic relationships, differing opinions with coworkers, and obligation-inducing invitations from acquaintances—from the most intimate to the most impersonal interactions.
We withhold relevant truths about ourselves and our preferences from people we are in relationship with for a litany of reasons: to shield them from pain, to avoid disappointing, to prevent angry reactions and conflict, out of fear of being vulnerable, or out of concern for other potential consequences. There are an infinite number of rationales as to why it may not be easy or enjoyable to speak your truth.
Considering the feelings and well-being of others is crucial. It is the foundation of a democratic, civil, and just society. However, humans can become overly concerned with the feelings of those around them to the detriment of their own welfare and experience. It is possible to be too considerate, too nice.
There is a difference between sincerely and mindfully attending to the experience of others and your impact on them, and over-functioning in a relationship by trying to remove the unavoidable pain that is part of life for all of us, pain we are all built for. Read More
Why It’s So Important to Tell the Truth, Even When It Hurts – Women Working – Staff – October 21, 2016
Telling the truth can be very challenging. Sometimes you feel inclined to tell a little white lie to spare someone’s feelings.
Although the truth can hurt people, it is best to come clean with anything you’re holding in.
Here are a few tips on why it’s so important to tell the truth, even if it will hurt someone.
- Because holding things in will ruin a relationship.
- Because if you don’t, you will remain angry.
- Because there is no real communication without the truth.
- Because getting through tough times is the foundation of any relationship.
- Because you can’t let go and move on if you are still holding on.
“Tell the TRUTH!” Jordan Peterson – 53,813 views – Antonio Subirats – Published on May 29, 2017
Always Be Truthful – The Silent Repenter – 1,648 views – The Silent Repenter – Published on Feb 14, 2017
Subscribe To The Silent Repenter: http://goo.gl/PkryNm
Being Brutally Honest With People In 2018 – 4,683 views – Marcus Rogers – Published on Feb 27, 2018
9. Loving Those Who Have Hurt You – Telling the Truth with Stuart, Jill and Pete Briscoe – Published Apr 6, 2017
Is there a person in your life who you just don’t get along with? Worse yet, has someone hurt you so deeply that, if you were totally honest, you would say you hate them?
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