Will I Ever Be In Love Again? – Do I Care?
“We have the power to be our own friend or the folly to become our own enemy” – Krishna
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi
Over the past years I spend most of my time alone. Don’t get me wrong, I do interact with wonderful people in writing workshops, at Whole Foods Market
, doing volunteerism, and with people I meet when doing daily errands. But, this time is spent outside of the time that I isolate for myself.
I follow many health, spiritual, and creative rituals and regiments, making it challenging, if not impossible to accommodate another person actively in my life. My prayer and meditation alone takes hours each day, and only involves me and God.
I am unsure if I will have another romantic relationship, simply because I am not sure if my potential mate could put up with what I have found that keeps me grounded. It would be worse than the stereotypical image of the husband who is absorbed into video games, sports, or being with his buddies, to the chagrin of his wife.
I don’t know if it’s even fair to expect another person to put up with me. At the same time, I feel the most grounded with spirit and self than I have every felt in my life. And, I don’t want to lose this feeling; I only want to intensify it overtime.
This is a dilemma at times. It especially causes me to contemplate when I reflect on how popular I once was, when I earned 6-figure incomes, and traveled the world. I had many people in my life. I seemed exciting to many, but I was not happy. Compared to where I am today, I loath ever going back to the dynamic and sometimes volatile experiences that I had in those friendships, and romantic relationships.
My fear is that accommodating such relationships will take me away from my spiritual essence, so I go deeper within, and shun from the external, as a general practice.
Maybe I will never be in love with another again. Maybe this is my season for loving me. I am not sure, but I know that this sentiment is real. I wonder if anyone else feels this way.
I don’t see this as a problem, though. I view this challenge as a responsibility that God will guide me to better understand overtime. I do desire romantic love, but don’t obsess over it. Without it I am receiving and sharing many other forms of love everyday.
Have you ever felt that loving yourself interferes with your ability to maintain lasting friend and romantic relationships?
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At the risk of being called a cold-hearted love hater, I’m going to say some things I believe to be true about love. Love is a chemical cocktail. There are many things more important in a relationship than love. There will be times when you don’t love your partner with everything you have. And no matter how much you love them, there are just some people you shouldn’t be with. I know.
Before you get mad at me, you should know that I’m a total romantic. I eat sappy love poems for breakfast and I still tear up a little when my wife brings me flowers (or pizza), which is still all the time. But I’ve also seen some things and done some things that gave me a much more realistic (and less exciting) view on love. I worked in a women’s shelter as a Domestic Violence Victim Advocate and at Planned Parenthood, as a Family Planning Assistant and Certified Responsible Sexuality Educator. Working with love and relationships
and couples were my life. And every time someone said, “but I love them” as the sole reason why they should be together, my life got a whole lot more complicated. Hear me out, and I think you’ll get on my team. If not, get off my lawn. Just kidding. You’re welcome on my lawn.