“People appear like angels until you hear them speak. You must not rush to judge people by the colour of their cloaks, but by the content of their words!” ― Israelmore Ayivor
‘Not Petting Monkeys’ has to be one of my favorite original analogies and most valuable life lessons.
I coined this phrase in the early 2000’s in a poem, Pet No Monkey. The vision was to imagine that people, sometimes friends, family, or coworker, were like organ grinders, carrying an adorable little monkey with them to distract you.
The message is basically that many people may come to you in life, with ‘their stuff’ or their perspective. Often they’re aiming to put ‘that stuff’ on you. …Many times, they do so unknowingly.
Recognizing this is easy with those who come to you with BS. But what I learned it that those who come to you with pity, gloom, worry and fear, are too carrying a cute little creature.
These types are not as recognizable, though. You may even believe that they are integral to your support circle.
But I have grown to appreciate that I should be as cautious with those that come to me with fear and worry, as much as I would, with those who clearly come with ill intentions. Neither are for my greater good, and will ultimately get me off track, leaving the monkey on my back.
So, if you don’t want the monkey on your back, don’t pet him!
In humor, I would spot either of the types of individuals mentioned above and would shout out loud, ‘I Don’t Pet No Monkeys’! Most people around will think I am crazy. I don’t care. I know what I mean.
Please don’t pet the cute little monkey.
Pet No Monkey
By Kevy Michaels
Even from a distance
I saw you coming
With a smile effervescently bright
You were dressed impeccably
From head to toe
…Adorned in white on white
You stepped toward me anxiously
As a cuddly creature hugged you by the neck
Suddenly it felt like déjà vu
As you took your final approaching steps
You greeted me very graciously
You seemed intent on brightening my day
You wanted my direct attention though
But I was occupied watching
Your cute little pet monkey play
You asked, ‘Do you want to pet him’
Offering to let the monkey play with me
I knew it was a trick
And replied, without hesitation,
‘No, No Siree’!
Now I admit that he is cute and playful
…Sure he gets attention all the time
But Word is out on the street
Is that adorable little monkey
Is running your mind!
As appealing as you both are
Greeting me and treating me so nice
No disrespect sir but,
‘I Don’t Pet Monkeys’
…Done it before
And swore not to do it twice
I’m staying clearly focused
That creature will just
Throw me off track
And once I’m distracted enough
You’ll just sneak away
Leaving that monkey
On my back
So both of you
Move on quickly!
I could spot you a mile away
I am not the one
To mess with!
I won’t be your fool!
And I will not
Pet that Monkey today!
“Anything I cannot transform into something marvelous, I let go.” – Elizabeth Lee
1. People who avoid responsibility
There exist people who are unable to assume the responsibility for their actions. They’re prone to blaming others for their own mistakes.
That kind of person will have a negative influence on your life. They aren’t able to change their attitude, and you are going to become their victim sooner or later. They are bound to find a way for burdening you with their responsibilities.
Obviously, you don’t want to end up dealing with their problems, right? The truth is that most of the time these kinds of toxic people are simply immature and unable to face their own hardships. If you avoid them, you can avoid their problems and responsibilities as well.
2. Self-destructive people
Some people tend to become defensive when you point out their lapses of judgment. They want your pity, help and attention, but they’re not really interested in solving their own problems.
If you feel that one of your friends needs that kind of support all the time, you can be sure that your friendship will sooner or later lead to stress and frustration.
Self-destructive people have no interest in growing or changing. They’re simply content to complain about their lives over and over again.
The worst thing, however, is that even if you want to help them, you won’t be able to do much. If it’s their habit to offer a myriad of excuses for their behaviors, you can’t stop them. That’s why you should simply avoid them.
3. People who just criticize
Nobody is perfect. Yet just because you have your flaws that you’re struggling to overcome, it doesn’t mean that someone should point them out to you all the time.
There is a difference between expressing one’s concern honestly and constructively, and pointing out the weakness in order to attack someone. If one of your friends is quick to emphasize your flaws and frequently criticizes your behavior, you are dealing with a toxic person that you should definitely avoid. Otherwise, you risk them wearing down your self-esteem.
4. Emotional vampires
Emotional vampires come in many shapes and sizes.
Some people like to be pitied for problems they cannot solve, while others like to constantly speak badly about other people. Some will try to control your opinions about topics, and others will point out all the flaws in your behavior. Some might seek company in judging others, or challenge you every time you cross paths.
But what they all have in common is that after every interaction with them you feel emotional fatigue and stress. Do yourself a favor and avoid them.
5. People who are always jealous
You might know a person who tends to minimize your accomplishments or strengths in order to make themselves feel better. They might also be jealous of your good fortune. You don’t need these kinds of toxic people in your life either.
Avoid people who aren’t able to be happy for you and for your success and who can’t appreciate your hard work, simply because they can’t put so much effort into things they love. Real friends will always be genuinely happy for you. They won’t try to diminish your happiness with negative reactions. They will never try to make you feel guilty for sharing your happiness with them.
6. People who care about their image too much
This toxic type is quite interesting. You’ve probably met someone who always looks so polished on the outside, but their inside doesn’t really match their beautiful appearance.
These people are simply afraid to be honest. They don’t really know themselves and they don’t want anyone else to know them either. They just want other people to see the filtered version of themselves.
However, if you cannot really connect with someone, how are you supposed to become real friends? It’s pointless to waste your time on people who rarely show their vulnerable side. They will be terrified to see yours and won’t be able to support you.
You can see now why it’s in your interest to avoid these people. They’re not going to make your life happier or more interesting. They’re going to put you down, criticize you, and make you feel miserable. Worst of all, they will never be there for you when you need them, as real friends should be.
Avoid the six types of toxic personalities and you’ll be on your way to creating a harmonious and balanced social environment that serves to boost your strengths and helps you to lead a peaceful and happy life. Read More
10 Types of Emotional Manipulation – 813,323 views – Psych2Go – Published on Nov 20, 2016
Emotional manipulation or strategies whether intentional or not are used by people to exploit or manipulate a person’s psychological state. It is a form of mental abuse and should not be tolerated. Here are 10 types of emotional manipulation. If you find yourself in such a situation, be sure to use these tips to recognize the abuse and look for help.
When one experiences Transformation, as I have, they will experience the virtues of Inspiration, Hopefulness, Spirituality, Determination, Patience, Creativity, Healing, Prayer & Meditation, Self-Love, Communion With Nature, and Courage. – Kevy Michaels